It appears that I can’t get away from you. Even if I cover my eyes with my hands, I can still see you seep in through the cracks.
You see this anxiety thing is like those school kids who jumped out at you in the corridor. At the same time you did and you didn’t expect it. Though you flinch enough as you roll your eyes to give them a laugh.
So to anyone who can hear my voice, however small it may be. Please come close and listen. Now, I shall tell you today’s story…
Today’s story is simple. Yet for me it is far from it! I suppose it’s like acceptance. It should only work in one way, but rather is shown to work in many.
But first I should start at the very beginning – the todays before today. The thing every good storyteller knows about, but is too daunting to approach first (sometimes ironically). So I guess that means you need to know more about me. **Takes a deep breath. So, have a seat and read. Perhaps grab a bag of popcorn. No I’m kidding, it’s really not that interesting – though I’m sure it would be if you imagined some dramatic trailer music in the background with your lights dimmed down. So grab that bag of popcorn. I recommend sweet over salted – salted blah.
I won’t tell you too much. I like the whole anonymity thing I have going on. Makes me feel like a modern Charlotte Bronte (who so happens to be my fave authoress). It also means as an anxious person who normally is anxious to post on Facebook let alone a blog can be as honest as possible.
So, number 1 I have just managed to survive and escape the chaotic jungle that so called adults like to call ‘high school’. Or as we call it ‘Sixth Form’. Yes, as soon as I could dart out those doors, never see those teachers again or have to be worried about nearly being as small as a year 8, I did. And boy am I glad about finally being free (I will save the exams for another story). Number 2, I am a teen writer. Well I suppose those are two things really don’t need much explaining. And lastly number 3 I have suffered anxiety for a while now and done 1 round of CBT.
Now, back to today’s story. Like I said it is simple. I got up and about. I was happy enough then BAM after watching the Emma Watson film The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I suddenly just felt depressed. Again my veins feel as if they are weighing down in me and I am getting irritated at everything (and that is not just because I’m a teenager).
I haven’t really got a conclusion for this today but this. All through these previous years. Where like everyone at some point in high school feels judged. I felt it the most. For me and for you it may be different. But, a lot of my anxiety comes from judgement. I care more about what others think than myself. However, if there is one thing positive I can say about this is that I have somehow managed to conquer that even if it is just a sliver by being able to post this. To where you – yeh you – the world can see!