Anxiety Diaries: 19th February 2015

Dear reader I’m in serious need of a hug. Right now I’m like a balloon, all blown up and need deflating before that person (yes there is always that one at a party – not that I attend many) pops me.

Everything is sending me crazy. One thing and CABOOM! It’s like that bit in Finding Nemo when Dory hits one of those floating bombs at Bruce’s party. WATCH out for the anxiasaurus (that was a failed blend) ready to roar at the sight of judgement or rather my gurgling stomach.

I’m tilting over the edge. I’m constantly irritable and as hard as I try not to be mad. Know really that I shouldn’t be.  Another stampede of thoughts bombard me with why I should feel angry. Not helping brain. Do you get like this around people aka your family, friends?

I don’t know whether I should be using this many similes? But I feel as if I should explain myself than write a list of what I’ve done today or rather what I didn’t do. Yawn.

A minute ago I wanted to cry. I’m so frustrated. Just that I’m anxious about being anxious demonstrates an almost comical irony.

Here it is and I don’t know whether you feel the same. During these moments when my body is playing robot with tension and every vein in my body is a fuse connected to my heart, dynamite. Like when you accidentally speed a film too much that you missed the bit you wanted. I hate when that happens!

Part of you wants to be your heroic side. You know the person everyone chats about?Tries to fight the anxiety, attempting positive thinking while the other is tempting you, wanting you to not let go of anxiety. It’s like the moment when you’re not anxious about something you usually are. And that’s good progress. But a part of you feels weird about not feeling anxious. Then you feel as if you ought to be anxious. Yep it doesn’t make sense, but it’s true, right?

I started my day early. Good. But do you ever get so up tight when you don’t get to tick everything off your list? I try to shake the feeling of failure, but it keeps flying back at me and hitting me SMACK in the face.

Another thing, do you get these moments when you feel as if you can’t get up? Literally, I’m not referring to physical weight in any way. You want and don’t want to do anything, you literally feel glued to the spot, muscles giving in to gravity. There is something in you that just wants to bask in the lowness. Yet you feel so guilty too.

Oh yeh and walking past people today. Every time someone in view goes to walk past me I have to mentally prepare. I get anxious and don’t quite know what to do with myself. Normally I conclude that I should attempt a smile, but most of the time they don’t even acknowledge me.

So, I’ve been pretty negative today. Sorry people! But what have I learned is this: Anxiety is pointless. Harsh words, true. It never adds just takes away. Ask yourself: is this anxiety helping this situation? The answer would probably be no. It is no. It never will.

Thank you for reading you beautiful soul!

Hello Anxiety

Please do click like so I can see if you enjoyed it and remember to share it so we can spread the word! Lots of love and hugs!

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