7 Reasons I can’t Stop Talking About My Mental Health

I know it’s not the same for everyone. No two people will ever experience something in exactly the same way. But for me in relation to family chats or having a natter to myself/ self chat. I can’t get this stuff out of my mind.

Ok ‘stuff’ isn’t the most useful word. It’s sounds as if I’m shoving cotton wool or something in my head. But somehow on screen it manages to pretentiously shrink all my problems into an insignificant word. It has some teenagery magical properties to it!

From the moment I wake up at 6:40 every morning to the dreaded don’t-feel-accomplished night. All I can talk, think, breathe and make conversations (to the family, I’m still in society’s closed book thing) about is… trying to find the right word for it… thoughts? Err no. Depression… yes but not quite. Anxiety?

Apparently I can’t stop and even though I’ve tried not to speak about it. It’s tempting as… No it’s pretty tempting! Anyway I think the people around me have had enough.

So here we are then! Basically 7 reasons why I can’t stop talking about my myself  mental health:

1. In the mental world I’m on a battlefield

When you’re on the battlefield you need allies, right? If you go it alone, you may as well wave that white flag or return that crown back to the jewelers (if you can find the receipt). Because with allies you’re more likely to win (this can include yourself by the way). I need you’re assurance that you’re in it with me!

2. I’m not being annoying, I’m just as confused as you are.

I know I talk about it a lot.  Yes, it looks selfish. But I’m just hurting. And I wish I didn’t feel the urge to seek reassurance. It’s frustrating for you because you don’t fully understand. Guess what? I don’t either. I’m just as confused if not more than you.

3. It’s kind of hard to ignore pain

If someone is in a lot of pain physically. Say, this chap has broken his leg. You might forgive them for talking about it (all the time) or not concentrating on your story of your hard day at work. It’s the same for me.

Instead, it’s this constant inward pain in my heart, an intoxicating mind hum. It is both inward and outward pain. Inward is the most excruciating.

4. When you tell me not to think about it – IT’S ALL I CAN FLIPPING THINK ABOUT!

Has you’re therapist done the whole if I said don’t think about a pink elephant riding a unicycle thing? Knowing that you would thing exactly that. Yeh, the same thing.

5. This is the loneliest place

Yeh I talk about it, perhaps you think too much. But, it gives me this intense lonely ache in my heart. Like I’m constantly on a deserted island without Captain Jack Sparrow and his secret rum stash (I don’t drink anyway) or some sea turtles that I can strap myself to and escape anxiety and depression AT LAST. If you haven’t seen Pirates of the Caribbean you might be a little at sea here!

6. I just want your help

I only want assurance. When everything feels like its floating away from me and I have nothing to cling onto other than someone’s words to soothe me. Everything feels questionable. For pity sakes! I can’t even decide whether to have porridge or cereal for breakfast!

7. Listen, I’m trying to explain

I say it again and again because I don’t feel like you’re listening. I do it because I so desperately want or need you to understand. Not exactly what I’m ‘going through’ (haven’t we said that enough!), but me. I’m scared. Like really scared.

And if I don’t explain it to you I fear it will get worse. That I will explode.

It is a human need to feel understood. A very natural urge indeed.

Hi Everyone! Thank you for reading my post! If you liked it and felt that it helped or you can relate remember to LIKE & SHARE. I hope you are having a good day. And that if anything I’ve provided you a bit of hope. Our storms will pass! Love you 🙂 xx

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5 Bits & Bobs Blogfection Has Taught Me

Are you a blogfectionist?

[Warning: potential eye-roll hazard] Perhaps you could call my blend of the words perfectionist and blog quite dramatic. Maybe you even eye-rolled at the title, thinking in your head why does there have to be a word for everything in this world? But you’re still reading, hey? Got ya, so you must believe that it exists or at least the idea is true.

In a sense you would be right. I’m just as cynical as you are. The word does make me cringe a bit. But, having a word for something makes it less cloud thinking and more the concrete you’re walking on. You can feel it and understand it. So, I thought it would be fitting to write this post since I haven’t posted for a while. And honestly here is probably the reason why!

These are the bits & bobs being a blogfectionist has taught me:

1. I’d rather not be a blogfectionist

Bit No.1. I’m a perfectionist. Ooo what a surprise! Bet you didn’t guess that, right? But, I hate it. If you have already read all my other stuff (if not have a nosey) you would know I have social anxiety. So, when I’m writing a post I feel like I have left a bit of my heart out for people to stare and judge. That scares me a lot.

My anxieties in general have driven me into this everything needs to be perfect atttidude. Which obviously isn’t helpful. At the end of the day writing one blog post is better than a ‘perfect’ post that will never be published, right?

2. Yeh when I said 5 minutes what I really meant was an ENTIRE day

Now for a Bob!

Spending too long on everything because, there is always that stupid back-of-head-voice saying that it’s not good enough. That you need to be better. That it must be better. People are going to judge it.

You’re like that little dog in Mulan chasing the stick. The feeling that tells you something is not quite there.

Lesson learnt: sometimes by doing it in the moment you can create pure magic!

3. May be I should just look at what everyone else is doing then I’ll write something

There’s nothing new about comparing yourselves to others. Or the main reason why we go on a tv binge or netflix marathon…procrastination. Perhaps you’re like me and thought that anything you produced was never as good as anyone elses.

Also that for your blog to be classed as ‘good’ in the blogging dictionary you have to do what other people are doing.

Lesson learnt: by being you. By caring while not caring. You will have created something that no-one else has done before. Also stop procrastinating!

4. I have to think of something amazing before I can write my next post

This is what I’ve been really guilty off. I will now raise my hand in shame. Yep, this is me. In fact, I had read an article that in order to have a popular blog (hey, you’ve probably done it too if you’ve got a blog) to make it really specific. Basically I came up with nothing and here I am.

Lesson learnt: it’s hard when you’re blogging not to feel that you need to have such and such following you or this amount of views whatever in order for your content to have ‘good’ stamped on it. Get out of that world pool of needing numbers to satisfy you and instead think what can I give to the reader?

5. Everything must be so 

No it doesn’t. Imperfection is perfection!

So as a way to overcome this blogfection as I call it. I’m now resisting the urge to edit like a crazy lady fueled on Easter Eggs. If you L L Liked this please do hit the like button and SHARE it too. Hope you are having a good day wherever you are in the world. And if you are struggling whether you feel it’s big or small here is a HUG!

You are loved!