19 Quite Frankly Shameful Reasons I Don’t Want To Turn 19 Tomorrow

  1. Normality called. According to him/her I have an unfathomable list of expectations that I feel I can’t reach (probably because I have short arms)
  2. I just really don’t want to be 19. Like really. Anyone want a swapsees
  3. Seriously did I just blink through my childhood? Gosh, I wish I could change those socially scaring memories that make me feel totally behind.
  4. Is it weird to say I don’t feel I deserve to get older? Like there is some weird test where you have had to done all these things to be 19. Yep just me. Got it!
  5. That I’m trying to make this list somewhat humorous in attempt to protect myself from the thought and the pointless running feeling in my veins. I will try to be serious now…
  6. I feel guilty
  7. I have watched my older sister at this age seen her thrive, have good friends, no social anxiety. Want to fly the nest and all the experiences someone my age should have. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel these years are always hers. I don’t feel real that it’s my turn in them.
  8. I haven’t done most things that even a 13 year-old does without thinking i.e. going shopping with friends, cinema etc. It’s embarrassing!
  9. For goodness sake I’m just so ashamed and humiliated that I still hang on to my parents like a child. Can I feel anymore of an outsider/loser to my generation?
  10. I want to stop it. Shield myself from tomorrow. But I can’t and will never be able to.
  11. I feel like I’m late growing up. Like I had a serious delay because of my years of social anxiety in high school. It’s like I’m learning social skills from the ground up. That makes me feel awkward and laced with a guilt that makes me socially unacceptable.
  12. Frankly I’m crapping myself scared.
  13. This makes me wish even the smallest bit that I lived in Neverland (the Disney version not Once Upon A Timers)
  14. I’ve meant to have grown up. Is it possible to grow up in a matter of hours? Wait aren’t I meant to have ‘grown up’.
  15. I feel ashamed of myself because I look 15 perhaps younger. Let alone 18 – now 19. I can’t deal with the surprised faces!
  16. A year from now I’m 20 :O Just think about that aaaaahhh!!!
  17. I hate the feeling you get when your birthday is about to end. It’s like birthday withdrawal. Yes I’m conflicted.
  18. Where has the magic gone?
  19. I have just, nope I haven’t even got used to 18 yet.

I thought I would share this list with you guys. Does anyone else feel the same? Please LIKE or SHARE or COMMENT especially if you want more posts like this! Love you all so much – I mean really. I hope whatever storm passes that I can at least equip you with something whether its comfort, words, sharing relatable things that will help you get through it. Love & hugs 🙂

5 Bits & Bobs Blogfection Has Taught Me

Are you a blogfectionist?

[Warning: potential eye-roll hazard] Perhaps you could call my blend of the words perfectionist and blog quite dramatic. Maybe you even eye-rolled at the title, thinking in your head why does there have to be a word for everything in this world? But you’re still reading, hey? Got ya, so you must believe that it exists or at least the idea is true.

In a sense you would be right. I’m just as cynical as you are. The word does make me cringe a bit. But, having a word for something makes it less cloud thinking and more the concrete you’re walking on. You can feel it and understand it. So, I thought it would be fitting to write this post since I haven’t posted for a while. And honestly here is probably the reason why!

These are the bits & bobs being a blogfectionist has taught me:

1. I’d rather not be a blogfectionist

Bit No.1. I’m a perfectionist. Ooo what a surprise! Bet you didn’t guess that, right? But, I hate it. If you have already read all my other stuff (if not have a nosey) you would know I have social anxiety. So, when I’m writing a post I feel like I have left a bit of my heart out for people to stare and judge. That scares me a lot.

My anxieties in general have driven me into this everything needs to be perfect atttidude. Which obviously isn’t helpful. At the end of the day writing one blog post is better than a ‘perfect’ post that will never be published, right?

2. Yeh when I said 5 minutes what I really meant was an ENTIRE day

Now for a Bob!

Spending too long on everything because, there is always that stupid back-of-head-voice saying that it’s not good enough. That you need to be better. That it must be better. People are going to judge it.

You’re like that little dog in Mulan chasing the stick. The feeling that tells you something is not quite there.

Lesson learnt: sometimes by doing it in the moment you can create pure magic!

3. May be I should just look at what everyone else is doing then I’ll write something

There’s nothing new about comparing yourselves to others. Or the main reason why we go on a tv binge or netflix marathon…procrastination. Perhaps you’re like me and thought that anything you produced was never as good as anyone elses.

Also that for your blog to be classed as ‘good’ in the blogging dictionary you have to do what other people are doing.

Lesson learnt: by being you. By caring while not caring. You will have created something that no-one else has done before. Also stop procrastinating!

4. I have to think of something amazing before I can write my next post

This is what I’ve been really guilty off. I will now raise my hand in shame. Yep, this is me. In fact, I had read an article that in order to have a popular blog (hey, you’ve probably done it too if you’ve got a blog) to make it really specific. Basically I came up with nothing and here I am.

Lesson learnt: it’s hard when you’re blogging not to feel that you need to have such and such following you or this amount of views whatever in order for your content to have ‘good’ stamped on it. Get out of that world pool of needing numbers to satisfy you and instead think what can I give to the reader?

5. Everything must be so 

No it doesn’t. Imperfection is perfection!

So as a way to overcome this blogfection as I call it. I’m now resisting the urge to edit like a crazy lady fueled on Easter Eggs. If you L L Liked this please do hit the like button and SHARE it too. Hope you are having a good day wherever you are in the world. And if you are struggling whether you feel it’s big or small here is a HUG!

You are loved!